


Broken Promises

by Nylazor



Series: The Adventures of Cal Amell [10]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Cutting, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 11:26:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16016933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nylazor/pseuds/Nylazor
Summary: After the Talisen fight, Zevran and Cal get into a misunderstanding.





	Broken Promises

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously, mind the self harm tags, v explicit

Cal rose from practicing, petting Barkspawn, he made his way to where Zevran was. He took a deep breath. “Hey Zevran.”

“I am yours.” He responded putting down the knives.

“I was wondering if we could discuss something personal. Maybe talk about Talisen?” Cal asked. 

“No, I… no. I mean no offense, I simply… no.” Zevran stated.

“Oh, is something wrong?” Cal leaned close, he tilted his head.

“I do not wish to talk about it.” Zevran took a step back.

“Are you sure? You look like you want to talk about it.” Cal said anxiously.

“Enough! I said… I am not interested. Can you understand that? There are other things for you to focus on besides me, I am certain. Do… do those.” Zevran snapped and stormed off.

Cal froze his eyes wide. His first instinct was to go to Zevran for comfort, like when Alistair had yelled at him, however he had made it clear Cal was not welcome to talk to him. His chest hurt as if it had been branded, he felt his eyes begin to ache. No, he couldn't cry here, he had to get out of here! Cal ran in the opposite direction to Zevran into the woods.

When he found a suitably isolated spot he collapsed and curled into a ball and cried his heart out. It felt like the tears would never stop, but he knew away to get this aching out of his chest. He pulled a small knife out of one of his pockets, it was tiny compared to the ones Zevran and Leliana used in battle but it did its job. He cast a mage light into the air.

He rolled up his sleeve, held his breath and pushed the knife deep into his skin, dragging it all the way across. He lifted the knife and gasped as the pain pulsed through him, the blood blossomed and he smiled. He did it two more times until he was satisfied. He danced his fingers over the cuts feeling there edges and soft warmth. He groaned in pleasure, it hurt, but at the same time it felt good. He sheathed the knife, his eyes red but dry and stood.

Zevran had been trying to break his cutting habit, but seeing how he was unavailable Cal figured he had free rein. Maker, cutting felt better than he remembered and he certainly felt a lot better. He cradled his arm and made his way back to the camp.

No one was awake except Shale who stoutly ignored him. Barkspawn greeted him whining and jumping up at him. He shushed him and made his way to their shared equipment bag and searched for in it until he found what he was looking for. He took it and made his way back to his concealed spot. His dog followed him, and as if reading his mind started barking.

Too late for that, thought Cal. He pressed the vial he took to his lips and drank, it was strangely sweet, like almonds. He waited a moment until he realized he couldn't quite breath, and was light headed. Barkspawn was going crazy, whining, barking, growling. Cal collapsed.

***

Zevran woke to Barkspawn barking. Something had caught his attention. Zevran groaned, he really wish it was some other night. The one night Cal wasn't keeping him up late Barkspawn was going wild. Zevran quickly put on his belt and knives and found everyone else was out itching their eyes and yawning.

“What is it boy? Darkspawn?” Asked Alistair.

But Barkspawn was running straight into the woods and then back, as if asking them to follow him.

“I think he wants us to follow him.” Leliana suggested.

And so they did. Wynne, Leliana, Alistair and Zevran marched into the woods. Zevran realized they were following a light, though it was faint… actually it looked a lot like Cal’s light. Red, he said it protected ones night vision though his favourite colour was blue. 

As they approached Cal’s magelight seemed to flicker and dim. Odd. Even when Cal fell asleep his magelight stayed on until Zevran woke him and told him to put it out.

It seemed Barkspawn had found what he was looking for as he ran in circles around something.

Wait.

No.

“Cal!” Leliana was the first to realize what Barkspawn had found.

They all hurried forward and surrounded him, Wynne knelt beside him and stared examining him. 

After a moment she said, “He's uninjured except for a few cuts but he's not breathing! I can't feel anything wrong with him.”

No. No. No! He just lost Talisen! He just fought Talisen for Cal he couldn't lose Cal. He felt as if the air had been knocked out of him. No, no, no! 

Barkspawn pawing at his leg brought him out of his reprieve. It looked like he had something in his mouth. Zevran crouched and held out his hand. “What is it boy?” 

The dog dropped a small vial into his hands and he froze.

Cal wouldn't.

But he would and he did.

Zevran smelled it to make sure, and he was correct. It was the deathroot extract for his blades, the idiot had drank it.

“Wynne! I know what's wrong, he drank deathroot extract!”

Everyone gasped.

“Why would he do that?” Asked Wynne horrified. “He's always been such a nice student.

“There's no time, it might already be too late.” He snapped.

Zevran knelt beside him took the antidote from his belt, any poisoner worth their salt knew to keep at least one antidote on them at all times. He poured it down Cal’s throat and prayed.

After what seemed like an eternity Cal coughed and started breathing. Overwhelmed by emotion Zevran hugged him to his chest. Cal was alright.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

 

***

Cal blearily opened his eyes. He had a really bad headache. Which was questionable as he was pretty sure he should be dead. He groaned in pain, everything hurt actually, this was a shitty afterlife.

“Cairo, you're awake.” He looked up and Zevran was staring down at him.

“What?” Cal wasn't quite sure what was happening.

“I want you to know you're an idiot.” Zevran said bluntly.

Cal sighed and covered his face with his hands. “It didn't work.” 

“No. And you can thank Barkspawn.” Zevran said gesturing to Cal’s feet. “Now promise me you'll never do that again.’

“Why?” Cal asked.

“Because… Hmm I thought this might be it. Are you certain you wish to talk about this? I really do not know what to say.” Zevran looked away.

“Yes! I want to know what's changed.” Cal pushed himself up on his elbows.

“Hmm, very well. An assassin… must learn to forget about sentiment. It is dangerous. You take your pleasure where you can, when life is good. To expect anything more would be reckless. I thought it was the same between us. Something to enjoy, a pleasant diversion and little more. And yet…” Zevran ran a hand through Cal’s hair.

“Are you saying you're in love with me, Zevran?” Cal’s eyes were huge, drinking in every word.

“I… don't know. How would one know such a thing. I grew up amongst those who sold the illusion of love, and then I was trained to make my heart cold in favor of the kill. Everything I was taught says what I feel is wrong. Yet, I cannot help it. Since you asked me into your tent, I have been nothing but confused. Do you understand me at all?” Zevran shook his head.

“I do and I feel the same, I think.” Cal grinned even though it hurt.

“I am sorry for acting so strangely. I think I will be better, now. Much better.” Zevran leaned down and pressed their lips together.

Cal reached up and pulled him down onto himself, until he couldn't breathe and pushed him away.

“You saved me didn't you? You knew what I took and gave me the antidote, right?” 

Zevran nodded. “Now that we got that mushy stuff out of the way, you owe me a promise.”

Cal smiled. “I promise I won't kill myself.”

**Author's Note:**

> So idk if you know my Cal, but in that last line he's lying, even if he doesn't know it. He makes the ultimate sacrifice leaving Zevran alone... Again. God so angsty.


End file.
